Monday, March 7, 2011

What a Relief!

I received my results from the MRI I had a while ago. I am happy to report that there is no MS, or no signs of any brain lesions. The whole time while waiting was really difficult. It can be difficult to stay positive and stay in the present moment when there's something like that over your head. I felt disconnected in conversations with people because i felt like I was always thinking about what the results were going to be - its amazing how much you can think about and how crafty your imagination can get when you're experiencing fear.

Since I do not have MS, I've come to realize how 'real' anxiety is. Apparently, everything I was feeling is a case of anxiety. Its amazing how much it can control you. And I exercise ever day, and I meditate a few times per week, and I do yoga and stretching when I wake up, and I take time to have fun, and I eat really really clean.... all these things are known to help alleviate anxiety. And yet I still find it so difficult to manage. I guess, like Crohn's, accepting is the first step... and the hardest.

But, I can't let this take away from my training - I haven't given up! I'm still going to do the Ride to Conquer Cancer, I've been getting amazing support from those at my work. I'm still going to do the Canadian Death Race (even if I come in last and have to hike it). Somehow the people that inspire us are those that find a will and a way to act when it doesn't seem possible - maybe I can find a hint of encouragement there...

What I've come to learn lately is that health and the road to health is a journey. It's been a journey my whole life. It's a darn tough journey at times, and sometime's I wish I had a different journey... but somehow it's brought me to where I am now, and to the people that I've met now... and although there's been so many downs, its been worth it...


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