Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sooner or later, reality has to sink in.
Being on holiday break and recovering from surgery was like being checked into the glass (I never played hockey, but it always looked painful) - by the time my head stopped spinning, I was being thrown back into the game. Just as I was on the up and up of recovery and deeply engrossed in rewatching favorite TV shows (hello LOST, I missed you), I was stuffing my things back in my purple duffel and boarded a plane back to Boston.
I’ll admit it, I’m nervous. Not for classes or anything academic, but for any hospitalizations/medical challenges on the horizon, fearful that I’m going to sink into the medical world like an Italian cruise ship. Don’t get me wrong, I am hopeful, I am determined, I am all of these things, and still I am reluctant that I’ll be as healthy as my college peers.
In talking with a friend recently, we were talking about the “rushing to live” chronic illness syndrome. Never heard of that? That’s because I just made up the name. But think about it - you’ve probably felt this yourself or seen it in someone else, nevertheless there is a sense of urgency when you’re feeling well to live as much as you can in the time that you have. Many of us have jobs and volunteer positions and do tons of things. We are hungry to live. We are desperate to be our age and do everything we want. And so, when we’re healthy enough, we ‘rush to live’ to cram as much as we can in. We’re always looking over our shoulders to see what’s coming on the medical front, waiting for something to bite us in the bottom.
Reality can suck. In the harsh light of day, being sick can feel like a prison sentence. But no one said that life is simple, that’s why we fight, that’s why we push forward, that’s why we rush to live - because we know that we can and that we will. As long as we move forward - even if the wind is blowing us backward - that’s when we can make our dreams a reality.