Monday, January 30, 2012

Inhale, Exhale

        Somehow, Monday morning found me again. My alarm went off, I rolled on my back and contemplated hitting the snooze button, but instead jumped out of my bed (between the memory foam and the bed risers, I have to jump out since I can’t touch the ground otherwise...) and started Monday. Tomorrow it will be a month since my surgery, 4 weeks of insanity between the slice n’ dice and my current state of affairs. 
My plan for today was to get back to yoga. I always find recovery difficult because you’re usually sore, if not in pain, and are largely unable to move around a whole lot. But I miss movement and feeling at peace with my body, so this morning was yoga time.
Last week had been my first week back to classes, and of course BU has a massive campus that I am traipsing around (thank goodness for the subway). It’s great to be back, I missed my friends and my classes, but I’m also huffing and puffing a bit as I trek to class and try to get through my day. I nevertheless would find myself, sometimes at 5 PM, already in my PJs camped out in my room watching ‘Lost’ or some version of ‘Criminal Minds’ on my computer. I’m admittedly exhausted, but I know I’ll win my stamina back... eventually.
I’ve said time and time again that I’m terrible at living in the ‘right here, right now’ moment. I’m so used to being five steps ahead (i.e. I have my grad schools picked out, I know the fellowship I want to have in 8 years) that it’s difficult for me to put on blinders and force myself just to deal with the everyday. I can’t be living waiting for an obstruction or a flare, if it happens, it will happen, and getting worked up about it now won’t stop or slow it down. 
Bottom line: I have hope. I am hopeful that I’ll be in classes versus the hospital this semester, I have hope that I’ll get back to running shortly, I have hope that things will be okay. I have hope because I have to, I have hope because it’s powerful.
I said this before, so I’ll quote myself, “Take a deep breath and get excited - you have the whole world is waiting for you”. 

- Jennie

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