Squeezing In: Claustrophic Testing

I went for an MRI this week. They're incredibly claustrophic. My head was velcro-ed down and I wore this netted mask thing and headphones to block out the noise. The noise was very loud. It sounded like gun-shots or something. And then this really fast paced noise - at first I thought it was my heart rate on a loud speaker: my heart beating as if it were having an anxiety attack. It lasted about 20 minutes and the whole time I kept my eyes closed trying to relax, thinking: I pray they advance this technology fast and find a way not to make it so claustrophobic.

But besides that, Im grateful there are so many diagnostic tools to tell us how our health is doing. As you know from my last blog entry, I am being tested for Multiple sclerosis. Its a scary time - that 'transition' of not knowing - but, as my friend said, its better to know early and be able to start treatment as early as you can.... but holding it together is a whole other story.

I've noticed that you can do everything in your power to tackle life and flare ups and health changes on your own. I know I've been an expert at that most of my life. I never felt comfortable sharing everything about a flareup (the emotional and physical attacks my body felt) with someone until I joined the CCFC and started volunteering and meeting other people that were my age with IBD. Interesting enough, when I went for my MRI, the lady who scanned me told me she had ulcerative colitis. I instantly felt connected to her - I felt in a way, we could understand a deep part of ourselves in each other. I feel this often with others with IBD. I feel as though their a good caring genuine friend deep down because we both know IBD isn't easy, and that there is so much each one of us goes through - even if Crohn's isn't the exact same as ulcerative colitis... the emotional part of it is pretty close.

The anxiety of doing this MRI made me feel too overwhelmed to attend our CCFC Chapter meeting - but everyone was so understanding. They all sent warmth and care. So did my great friends on the Youth Advisory Council. The support from other IBDers is amazing sometimes, and it makes me wish I connected with the CCFC sooner than when I was in university. I wish I connected with them when I first diagnosed in elementary school. Because even though I felt like I wanted to be alone and by myself and figure this thing out on my own, at home, in bed, day in and day out, there's a new found energy and vitality that you get when someone can look you in the eyes and know exactly what youre going through and truly care and understand - and want to help. Every person with IBD i've ever met has become a real kindred friend of mine. Sometime's without their support I don't know how i'd make it through.... like all of you know, there have been some really scary and painful times.


Thank you Gutsy Generation,
Thanks Youth Adv. Council
Thanks CCFC,

Hugs,
Ash