The definition of ‘help’ in my dictionary is probably ‘complete failure.’ By no means do I think that’s an accurate statement for real life, but that is often what it feels like - taking on ‘too’ much (aka a normal amount or what I want to take on), getting sick, and asking to be rescued - it feels like failing time and time again. And so often, many of us fight on despite our breaking bodies.
This past summer before my surgery, when babysitting three one-year olds, I would often take them to the park. Individually, each child didn’t weigh that much - but put them all together in a triple stroller (which, by the way, is very hard to push and maneuver) and pack it up with snacks and bottles and blankets and more, and you get a pretty heavy load - very cute - but very heavy. I would do this several times a week, and worse, we made our way up a massive hill each time to get to the playground or library. I would often have worsening pain on the journeys, and many times contemplated running over to a nearby house, demanding someone watch the babies and then the use of their bathroom. In reality, I should I have stayed in with the babies, but in the moment, nothing was going to get in my way.
Which brings me to now. I - 6 months plus one day from my ostomy surgery - need to start asking for a help. Between Crohn’s and possible other issues re-surging and rendering me to wave my metaphorical white flag, it is hard to carry on with what I need to do. Truth: I could make myself do things. Truth: That would make me more sick. Truth: I need to ask for help.
The actual definition of help: to improve a situation or problem, be of benefit. The actual definition of failure: lack of success. Asking for help is like being vulnerable - only a strong person can admit they aren’t that strong and have weaknesses, it doesn’t make them a bad person, it makes them honest and sincere.
Perhaps I find it so hard to ask for help because I don’t want to be a burden to my friends, or that annoying kid that complains at excess - or that I don’t want to really admit how ill I am. Everyone with IBD wants to live their life, not their life with IBD, and I am no exception. But, against my own judgment, asking for help doesn’t mean not living your life, it means the exact opposite - doing what you can for yourself, and asking others to ‘fill in the blanks’. It’s not taking a pass, it’s taking a step at reclaiming your life, health, and sanity.
I’ll take a cue from The Beatles and ask for help, and then soon, I will be able to offer my help to someone else in need.
Jennie
The Gutsy Generation is an initiative by the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of Canada's (CCFC) Youth Advisory Council (YAC) to foster awareness, support and action about Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD). IBD is a chronic autoimmune disease, affecting about 233,000 Canadians - with many diagnosed between 15-24 years of age - and costing the Canadian economy almost $3 billion annually. It's time to speak out and get up - coming out of the bathroom stall to find a cure!
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