Saturday, December 24, 2011

A Gift for my Guts

It seems as though I chronically wish for surgery at any given holiday time, but then again that’s probably because I have a chronic illness.

As relieved and excited as I honestly am to be having surgery and, knock on wood, to be all freed from obstructions, I am admittedly depressed that I won’t be spending the break with my family back in Nova Scotia. Even if it means snow and chilly weather, I want to be able to cook with my Mom and plop down on my sister’s bed to watch ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, take the dog for a walk and watch a movie with my Dad... and do something with my older brother. Instead, I spent yesterday floating in a pool in Florida, squinting in the sun. Complain-worthy? Probably not, and yet here I am complaining. Maybe it’s because of the absence of my whole family, my surgery in about a week and the long recovery stretching out in front of me. 

Hanukkah this year came right around the time of my school break, and yet I won’t get to take out my menorah and watch the lights glow with my family. I guess I’m just a little tired of giving up breaks to have surgery, especially twice within 2 years. Oh well. Life happens. Crohn’s happens and I must try to maneuver where I want to go. 

So lately I’ve been thinking what would be the perfect gift for my guts, besides surgery. I guess in an utopia, Crohn’s wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be writing this blog. But that’s unrealistic and doesn’t really accurately portray how I feel, after all I don’t think I’d trade in my bowels for anyone else’s, I’ve learned too much about myself to write off the experience as one I’d want to trade in.

Perhaps that’s the gift. Life and appreciation, those moments in between when I feel like I’m in exactly the right place for me. 

Happy holidays to everyone. To life, to tomorrow, to everything you’ve wished for.


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