The Vicious Cycle (trigger foods and chocolate)

Have you ever noticed that the foods you aren’t supposed to eat are the ones you want the most? I usually don’t have this problem. You see, I am a sweets kind of person. I love chocolate, cookies, cake, and candy. My trigger foods (and salty treats) like chips, popcorn and french fries are last on my list. I’ll take a brownie over a burger any day. Most of the time, I won’t even eat all my meal as I’m saving up room for the dessert.
Nevertheless, when my IBD flares up, everything changes. It’s as if all my trigger foods begin to haunt me. All I can think about is popcorn and corn chips. And French fries. And burgers. Offer me a brownie, and I’ll pass. Bring me some chocolate to make me feel better, I won’t touch it. When experiencing a flare up I live for fried food and salt.
And so begins the big battle. Everyone knows when you’re sick, you let yourself eat whatever you want. There is no point in suffering any more by denying yourself whatever empty calories and heartburn you desire. However, when you know that eating these foods will cause you endless pain and hours on the bathroom floor, what do you do? Me? I eat them. What can I say; I am truly a sucker for punishment. I will go to A&W and order that mozza burger and fries, and I will eat it all. And I won’t even want dessert. And then I will go home and be in excruciating pain for 24 hours. I will make my flare up worse, all for a burger. And since I am keeping nothing down (or in) anyway, I convince myself that eating fried food is the only way to ensure my body is getting enough calories for my survival. So I will eat more burgers and fries and popcorn and cool ranch Doritos. It’s a vicious cycle really. The sicker I get, the more I want these foods. Of course, I keep eating them (for my survival!!) and I get sicker and sicker until finally I am medicated and then I get better. Then when I’m healthy, it’s back to chocolate and brownies.You'd think knowing all this would help prevent future occurrences, but I'm a weak individual when it comes to food. However, one can hope.
Anyway, until next time (and next flare up) Mr. Burger and fries, I think it is time for a brownie.

Lesley