Saturday, July 10, 2010

Sim-ply-fy My Life

Two ply or not two ply, that apparently is the question. Even Shakespeare would agree that half-ply should be illegal, I’m sure there’s a hidden, unread play entitled: “Charmin: the ways things should be” - it would be a comedy, of course.

In my most zen-like explanation of my experience in the bathroom, I explained to a friend the other day that the toilet and I are one. Thus, one might imagine the need for a hospital to invest in some decent toilet paper you can’t see through. But the world is far from perfect.

Having Crohn’s hasn’t kept me from a lot in my life, but this summer I had to forgo being a camp counselor for surgery. But no worries, I am still soaking up the experience - from my hospital general surgery ward where I’m sharing a non-air conditioned room with some roomies, we’ll call them Mildred and Army-Guy. And while the company is far from amusing, at least I’m not alone. This marks my first venture into the adult hospital universe, far away from the brightly painted Children’s Hospital walls and cartoon stickers. In an effort to preserve my fading childhood, I have my ever faithful Build-A-Bear, Oppenheimer. Don’t laugh, though he has a rather odd name, it does make sense. Crohn’s Disease is only called that because on the report that described the disease (written by Crohn’s, Ginzburg, and Oppenheimer), Burrill Crohn’s name was alphabetically first. So the consolation prize for Oppenheimer is that a Build-A-Bear is named after him, a great second place honor if you ask me.

Sometimes I think life could not get more ironic. Like when Mildred is being sent for her PICC line, one I will soon acquire, or that I’m on the 9th floor which is (or used to be) my lucky number, or that the nurse cannot spell my disease, or that her name is pronounced like my favorite brand of toilet paper - yes, I’m not kidding, Charmin the nurse. Yes, life’s irony can make you laugh or cry, it’s learning to laugh through the tears that’s important.

If life has taught me nothing else, it’s that you have to simplify your life for your sanity and health, and that when it comes to toilet paper, the more ply the better.


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