Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Tick Tock

I swear I just got to BU.

And yet, today I finished classes for my junior year. Done. Gone-zo. Over.

What just happened???

I admit, the relief of class time expiring and the (small) sigh of relief (until the realization that finals still looms around the corner) that washes over me when everything is over is fantastic. But then again, I only have two semesters left after this one before I’m not-so-gently tossed into the big, wide ocean that is the world. 

At the end of one of my last classes, our professor gave us a sweet, albeit sappy, speech about achieving our dreams, then left us to fill out the course evaluations. One girl who’s graduating got up and ran out of the room, crying. She came back in after a moment, wiped her face, and said, “I just realized I’m graduating.”

I had smiled and perhaps said some platitude, but the thought hit me when I was walking home from class. It was a calm Bostonian night, a slight chill in the air, but the big towers downtown were twinkling, the sheen of the Fenway lights glowing under the Citgo sign. And all I could think was that I was leaving in under two weeks. 

Only a year before I had been nearly imprisoned to the hospital, better yet, fall semester before I virtually lived there. When I think about that, my brain wants to explode, I think, how did that happen? How did I survive? I know I live with a chronic illness, but the constant up and down sometimes makes me feel like I don’t know which way is up anymore. But after the bizarre cause of my obstructions was identified during my surgery in January, life has been a little less shaky to say the least. 

The only way I know how to describe it is to borrow from ‘The Incredibles’. Near the end of the movie, they’re driving in a limo back to their house and little Dash is talking on and on and on (at the speed of light) about how awesome their adventure/trip/saving the world was. At one point he says, “AH! I love our family!” - with his arms out wide - and falls back on the seat. That moment and feeling of ‘I’m right where I belong and things are awesome’ is how I feel right now.

Life moves fast, and before you know it, you’ll blink and you’ll be 83 years old. Well, okay, not that fast, but you know what I mean. Especially when we’re sick, we tend to spend so much wishing time would pass, wishing to fast-forward to that small, wonderful space that is remission. 

Nothing is guaranteed, and we all know this. But I will do my best to appreciate the healthy times I’ve had, and perhaps more importantly, the time I have right now

Tick tock, there goes the clock - I’d better get going - I’ve got some living to do!


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