Tuesday, April 10, 2012

C'mon Body Don't Fail Me Now

I like to plan.

I hate to plan.

Both of these statements are true and it is an argument that I continue to have with myself on a daily basis. Very Shakespearean of me: to plan or not to plan, that is the question. Now here’s the thing, I have always enjoyed planning. Not necessarily always daily routine kind-of-plans, but more long term plans and right now I am in the planning zone.

This planning zone that I have engrossed myself in currently revolves around the next couple of months, sweet, sweet summertime – or at least it should be. Yet as I find myself ecstatically registering in a spring course to satisfy the VERY last credit of my undergrad degree (yay!) or booking a celebratory trip to Italy with my mom (yay again!) I also find myself extremely nervous and anxious about what is to come. These next couple of months are important and I need my body to behave; but all I can seem to think about are the many times before I have meticulously planned out my education or an event/commitment that I fully intended on fulfilling – and all of the times that I have had to, with regret, cancel.

So as my mom and I were planning our trip to Italy she asked me if I thought we should get cancellation insurance, I of course said yes. She of course agreed reminding me that my post semester vacation hot spot is typically Mount Sinai Hospital. I mean let’s get real nothing screams relaxing retreat like the rhythmic beat of IV pumps, the sweet smell of sanitizing soaps, the exhilarating rush you get waking up at 5:30am to the prick of needles, the oh so stylish hospital gowns, or the mini celebration you allow yourself to have when you make it to the bathroom just in time – am I right, or am I right?

Living with a chronic disease makes planning unbelievably scary; we know that health is fragile and that it can be snatched away at any moment. So as I tackle my upcoming plans and commitments I find myself muttering the words, “c’mon body, don’t fail me now”. I mutter those words in hopes that my health will stay intact, that my good buddy JP doesn’t suddenly decide he doesn’t like the warm and cozy home formally known as my abdomen and that this upcoming summer will be the healthiest I have had in a very long time.

So here is to being optimistic and hoping for health – I have my fingers crossed (for me and for all of you of course!!)


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